ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
