I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
