just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize