a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
