I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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