i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
