you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
