i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
