xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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