Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
