a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
