Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
