My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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