thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
