Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
