no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
