Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Pooping to opera.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
