last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Terrible idea I love it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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