I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
