How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize