were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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