Who wears a wallet chain?!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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