Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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