I wish I only lived at night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
