NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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