So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
