I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
