im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
