Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
