And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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