Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
