I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
