Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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