im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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