Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
