Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
