Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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