You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize