She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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