just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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