get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
