i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
