Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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