I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
