I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
