It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
