he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize