There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize