Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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