i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
