why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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