This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
