Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
