There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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