Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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