What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
