I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
