so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
