im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
