TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
