Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
