So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize