You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
