2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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