sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize