FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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