I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
