i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
