I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
