dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He felt like a one man threesome
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize