I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
