never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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