I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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