Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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