Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
