Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
