Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize