So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
