maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
