You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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