I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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