the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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