I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
