capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
