he puts the penis in happiness.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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