Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize