Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
