Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize