I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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