Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
