apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
