He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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