Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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