During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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