It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
