so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize