happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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