You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
