Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
