you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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