someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
