My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
