Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
