can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i think my cat just said my name.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
