You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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