Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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